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Sunday, October 19th, 2003
11:56 pm - raw, uncut, uncensored, ranting, raving, etc etc...
my memory is weak... so much has changed, I can't remember half the people on my friends list... it's kind of superficial like that... of course I haven't read or written in this journal forever...but that is what it is... I keep thinking how pathetic people are, myself included... this bullshit world where everything is so fucked up, yet for once in my life I can smile... I can focus.. or not focus... whatever my choice is... for once I feel free... of a lot of shit... I don't know, but I do... there is still a lot of anger in my system over a lot of shit... I am still not the most stable but this is the best I’ve felt in a long time... but yeah I don't know... I don't even know if this makes any sense... if anyone cares I have another journal at believenothing sorry to all the people I didn't add to my friends list in the past... most of this was based on paranoia, and whatever bullshit I was feeling at the time... :shrugs: check that journal out if you still read this yet don't know about it, since I can make no promises about my continuation of using this journal... :shrugs:

current mood: drunk

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Friday, October 17th, 2003
1:57 am - oh... my ... fucking... god...
boo...

i'm back, and this is really mike not rory... seriously i changed journals... and let rory have this one, then he vanished... so i dunno... sorry to the people i didn't inform, it was a rough time in my life... so much shit has changed since than... but i guess in a way it's been a little over a year and i am in a way back... maybe for a while... maybe not who the fuck knows... word...

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
10:46 pm
I'M UPDATING AGAIN!

Look at me go and throw this through your brain:
Lawn Gnomes are creepy and they WILL attack you EVERY chance they get.

Don't underestimate the gnomes!!! No underestimation is the best way to guarantee you're welfare and safety! REJECT THE GNOMES! REVOLT AGAINST THEIR SYSTEM! And have a bag of Doritos.

current mood: nervous

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10:43 pm
Wow I haven't updated this in forever + 2.

So now I will....Blahhhhahahahahahaha...yeah

current mood: blah

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Friday, August 2nd, 2002
6:09 pm - Stop re-inventing the pen you moron.
There are no new pen inventions.....they've invented pens to their brink. You cannot invent pens any farther. So quit it.

current mood: annoyed

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1:04 am - helicopters = cool
Today i was walking in my house and thought about helicopters....they're pretty cool. I'm thirsty now too.

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Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
1:33 am - like clockwork it is set in motion...
ok i know i didn't print out 12 pages of my journal, and there is no way it could have happened "accidentally"... my brother swears on his life that he didn't do it, so that leaves my parents... who claim to not have done it either... well this is what it comes down to, i know my dad [and maybe my mom] reads this and has gone through everything on here, and i feel violated, i know this is public, but i figure my parents would respect my thoughts and my privacy, and trust me, evidently they don't... so this is what it comes down to, i cannot comfortably write in this anymore... so i will leave it up to the people who read this thing, should i delete my account [this meaning also that my parents stop reading this and respect my privacy] or not... i know the damage is done, but i cannot write in this anymore, and i do not believe in censoring what i write... so EVERYONE comment and let me know, this will be my last entry until lets say Friday night, and depending on everything either i will keep it up or i will delete my account...
thank you for your time and all my friends have been awesome, but i just think it is time to end this, maybe pay off the rest of my karmic debt...

Rev. Shack

current mood: dirty

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Tuesday, July 30th, 2002
3:46 pm - watch it all burn down, taste the ashes...
so went to "practice" today, what a fucking joke... everyone except spinedamn87 and gabe are fucking lazy bastards... we have had maybe 2 good practices this whole fuckin' month and we usually try to practice Monday through Friday... you do the math... so since we can't really "punish" anyone and i have put too much blood, sweat, and tears into this band to just up and quit... i will deprioritize Subject-A... hell i got better things i could do anyways... like find a better job, get ready to move out, put more effort into my education, work on getting a relationship going, hell playing video games... anything... my new musical project is a yet unnamed industrial band with spinedamn87, i will put Subject-A on a back burner and watch it crash face first into total oblivion... it will hurt but sometimes one has to remove the limb to prevent further infection... not to get an ego here, but fucking spinedamn87 and i were the back bone of this damn band... and if everyone else cannot have the respect or responsibility to either carry on full speed or just quit, then they can go fuck themselves... i haven't the time for this and i am all out of patience...

Rev. Shack

current mood: angry

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12:03 am - as the days go by...
sitting here listening to subject-a, remembering when we were a really dedicated band... losing my mind slowly, it's just one of those days... chatting with people online, making plans [gasp], but it's all good... today was a pretty feel good day, it rained, and the sky when i left work was so beautiful... and i feel pretty damn peaceful for a change, so that's always a plus... i dunno what's going on tomorrow short of work, and for once i really don't care... as long as i get some sleep it's all good... today has been a nice day... sometime tonight i will go back to either writing drum beats or playing gangsters 2... both are quite addictive... :smokes cigarette quietly:

Rev. Shack

current mood: content

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Monday, July 29th, 2002
3:50 pm - and it was all so clear, there was nothing left to fear...
yeah so no band practice today... that's ok i used the time to write some drum beats for the new secret not yet named industrial band i'll be partaking in... it was easier than i thought now to see if i can accomplish anything creative with them... i wish i had something important to write about, but i don't... oh yeah and someone in my house printed out 12 pages from my journal... i think that is rude, but i knew this wouldn't be private forever i suppose... i won't be making this friends only or any of that shit, these are my thoughts and they are bared here to see, i took that risk the minute i started writing in this thing oh well... i have to go to work, i hope everyone has a nice day...

Rev. Shack

current mood: okay

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2:16 am - the post that was not a post...
yes a lot of stuff has gone on, i don't feel like writing it out... some of it isn't important some of it is... :shrugs:... just read spinedamn87 yes that is all i think... i am tired i go to bed now...

Rev. Shack

current mood: sleepy

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Sunday, July 28th, 2002
3:23 am - and he looked down upon the world tears staining his face... and he laughed...
and sometimes i think about martyrdom... sometimes i think the best way to teach people is through example and sacrifice of self... then other times i think people are just too stupid to understand anyways... and sometimes i think it doesn't necessarily have to be a physical martyrdom, it could be mental or emotional... and someone somewhere will get the idea and learn to live a little better... it's raining out here, it's so beautiful... thunder and lightning and rain... yet it's still pretty warm out... perfect... earlier i was so bored i wanted to sleep and now i am like wide awake... i will lurk online for a while then maybe play some video games and then go to sleep... right now everything feels so right so perfect... and i don't know why or how... just that it does... i am at peace...

Rev. Shack

current mood: peaceful

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Saturday, July 27th, 2002
6:55 pm - But now I'm jaded, You're out of luck, I'm rolling down the stairs, Too drunk to fuck...
well i am off to the wedding reception everyone wish me luck, because i just may go on a rampage and slaughter my own family... i don't think i'm gonna be doing anything afterwards... damn... no one seems to want to party anymore... it's a goddamn Saturday night for christ's sake... oh well i may just drop by compound slaughter-hill that's always fun even if there is no party... i dunno... had plans for tomorrow but those were nixed... was gonna go see collapsed @ token lounge... but due to that bastard murphy and his laws they have to cancel the show... so hmmm well i have to get a hold of mary and let her know... maybe we can find something else to do... shit happens... have a nice evening...

Rev. Shack

current mood: content

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11:12 am - parents love giving you the illusion of options, when in reality you have no choice what so ever...
so i have to go to work in a few, it's gonna be a long day i think... my parents told me they would like me to go to my uncle steves wedding with them, direct translation: "you are going to this damn wedding, no ifs, ands, or buts about it mister"... bastards, i don't want to go to his wedding and since i am the last one informed of anything in this damn family of course i already made other plans.... shit it's at 7 and i don't know when i will be back... i'll go for the wedding but i want to be out of there by like 2 hours, fuck the reception... shit... that's all for now i hope everyone has a wonderful day...

Rev. Shack

current mood: aggravated

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2:13 am - i'm a liar, a liar... ok now i will go to bed... i promise... :chuckles:
I AM: still listening to the same bucket head song
I THINK: that the world should implode, and then explode, so i can fly into space like i am on some intergalactic slip n' slide
I KNOW: i probably sound crazy right now
I WANT: sex, drugs, rock n' roll, and a nice cool refreshing beverage would be nice
I HAVE: A SLURPEEE!
I WISH: there were some things i could figure out
I HATE: nothing at the moment [wow]
I MISS: hanging out with mary especially on fridays [but we did today so yay to that :smiles:]
I FEAR: heights, hospitals, needles
I HEAR: BUCKET HEAD!!!!
I SEARCH: for answers
I WONDER: if i will sleep in tomorrow and be late for work
I REGRET: just a few things...
I LOVE: my friends, my cats, mary, life, full moons, forests, pools, food, internet, my mind right now
I ACHE: to understand
I CARE: a lot though i hardly show it
I ALWAYS: know
I AM NOT: crazy
I DANCE: only when i'm drunk
I SING: when there are no vocalists for subject-a and quite bad actually
I CRY: every once in a while when i am sad
I DO NOT ALWAYS: jerk off
I FIGHT: for what i believe in
I WRITE: angsty entries that nobody really cares about
I WIN: i do?? kick ass!!!
I LOSE: my sense of direction sometimes
I CONFUSE: myself and others
I LISTEN: to music
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at home or compound slaughter-hill
I NEED: a car and some money would be nice
I AM HAPPY ABOUT: a few things, i actually cannot wait until august i am excited about this vacation
I EXPECT: more from myself
I SHOULD: go to bed

Rev. Shack

current mood: sleepy

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1:42 am - it's like ritual...
damn this bucket head song is fucking tight as hell... too bad i can't remember the name of it, all my file says is BUCKET~9.mp3 because somehow my files got mangled... but yeah... so get home and tell my parents that i am going to bed, check all the journals not on my friends list, check my friends list, and then post a new entry... like clockwork... mary came over and saved my day today... today was so shitty and fucked up... she came by we went bowling... she kicked my ass on all fronts [i guess today wasn't my day for bowling...] then we chilled at compound slaughter-hill... it was awesome... thank you mary for making my evening 110 times better than my day... she dropped me off at home, i asked her for a hug, that's was kinda weird... i probably looked and sounded retarded... i'm sure... but yeah anyways... that was my kick ass evening and now i am off to bed... good night all...

Rev. Shack

current mood: good

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Friday, July 26th, 2002
5:39 pm - the strong survive the weak well they die...
mlfdhlkvevmpeowsdjbtwvmposjbjdp'bjtrlkdjskladsjhadhlfkdsjlafhjklhdjlkhfuewuefhhweaehfhq
tim got fucked over by the canton police
it is complete bullshit
as i tend to say about many things
fuck this government and fuck our judicial system
that would rather see rapists and murderers on the street
and lock up drug offenders
god forbid you smoke a damn joint
$1100 in fines, 1 year of probation, 5 days of work detail, drug and alcohol tests once a month for a year, and he has to go to either NA or AA twice a week for a year...
all he had was a roach that wasn't even his...
fuck the pigs
and damn the man
fkdalshalkjsndfhfoiajfo;iifhoihgierhgjopiergiopreporhgdl;kvnvnvopwerjiqweihtiortoeiurqtkafvce

current mood: blah

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5:20 pm - today has been like so many other days...
today like just about every day now
was a complete and utter waste of time
why the fuck do i even bother anymore...
you know when i kill myself
it won't be from depression
it will be from fucking boredom
i am sick and tired of being sick and tired
and i don't really see much point to continuing on
yet plod on i do...
i think i just like the torture...

Rev. Shack

current mood: apathetic

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12:05 pm - well look it's noon and i am at home!!!
fuck this shit
yeah what happened to practicing
what am i supposed to teleport over to highland's?? [joel and gabe explained why they didn't come get me]
this is starting to get fucking stupid
i don't wake up at 9 am just to be fed this bullshit

Rev. Shack

current mood: pissed off

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9:13 am - sometimes...
i read things i wrote the night before, like this here and i think to myself...

"how self-righteous"

what the fuck was i thinking... yeah... fuck... well today we record and it is going to be the shit... no fucking around today... business as usual [as a fellow i once knew said]... and surprisingly i awoke today and could breathe and i am more or less refreshed... awesome

Rev. Shack

current mood: good

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